Genuine listening has become a rare art. In this episode, Ryan and Emily Baker break down ten practical strategies that transform ordinary conversations into sacred encounters. Whether one-on-one with a friend or in a small group, deep listenin...

What if integrity isn't about moral perfection, but about truthful living? This conversation explores integrity as the alignment between our inner and outer worlds – not a flawless character, but an honest one.When we experience trauma ...

Shame traps us in impossible situations where every path seems wrong. These "binds" leave us feeling anxious, stuck, and desperate for solutions that never quite materialize. But what if the way forward isn't finding the perfect answer, but nam...

In this episode, Ryan and Emily Baker unpack the subtle ways shame operates as rocket fuel for our accomplishments—from Michael Jordan fabricating opponents' trash talk to motivate himself, to the high-achieving Christian who serves tirelessly ...

Shame is not just one of many emotions we stumble into but rather the alienation we feel from God from conception that persists even after becoming a Christian. We explore the shame grandiosity cycle, where we attempt to cover our shame through...

What makes trauma trauma? The shame we never talk about. Shame shapes our lives far more profoundly than most of us realize. While we typically think of shame as something that follows our mistakes, what if it's actually driving our behaviors f...

Dr. Curt Thompson has a saying "Pay attention to what you pay attention to." We discuss, in this episode, how it may look like we are doing one thing while our mind is somewhere completely different. We want to pay attention to what may be runn...

In this episode Emily engages Todd's story from his childhood where a simple moment of being missed has had lifelong effects which can be healed.

Loyalty structures are patterns that develop in childhood as a means for staying in good favor with our families of origin as well as peer groups.  These structures are often very influential in how we show up in the world and they usually...

Suffering can move us toward God or it can move us away from him;  consequently away from being fully human and alive. In the wake of a collective tragedy we discuss how to love your community by understanding the ways we often avoid the p...

In this episode we engage Shelly's story in our studio.   Shelly, who has gone through the Allender Center's Narrative Focused Trauma Care levels one and two, brings a story from fourth grade which has had life long implications.  

Gaslighting was Merriam-Webster's word of the year in 2022.  Why did it make such a big splash?  In this episode we explore this concept, its roots, but also the fact that we need language for what is happening to us.  

In this episode we take a look at the idea that we have various parts that make up who we are.  Traditionally theologians speak of Christians having the flesh and spirit, which is true.  However,  we know that we are never in thi...

So often in conflicts we would just love to hear the words, "I am sorry."  However, as great as this is, it really serves as only the beginning of restoration.  While not every conflict needs much more than these words to heal, many d...

Repair is the third major pillar in healthy attachment.  Repair in a relationships is in some ways the most important aspect and also the most elusive.  We know that in this fallen world we will have conflicts in even our most cherish...

In Episode 17 we discuss the importance of healthy containment in our families of origin.   Containment is a process that helps children feel safe involving the emotional support that adults give children. Healthy containment helps develop...

Attunement is the sense that you matter; that someone else sees you and is tending to you. We were made to be attuned to – by God and by our primary caregivers.  When our deepest needs are seen and met, we feel safe and able to attune to o...

We were made to be loved by our primary caregivers.  Three main categories that outline what we were meant to receive are attunement, containment, and repair.  This episode will introduce this topic as we will explore what it means fo...

As Christians we are taught that hatred is evil and yet one of the most important doctrines of God is his hatred of evil.  For present day Christians this often is relegated to a few technicolored "evils" that most can agree upon. However,...

The term NPC came from video games referring to the characters that the player doesn't have control of - they are controlled by the game's programming. When a person's behavior is determined by a system, whether family, church or peer group, th...

This episode seeks to help our listeners this holiday season or future times around family.  We explore the tendency to go into auto pilot where we often return to past or familiar patterns of relating around certain groups, especially fam...

In this episode we explore the concept of "window of tolerance" seeing its connection to meekness.   What we often consider weakness is actually a strength of spirit and mind.  

One of the reasons we find healing so elusive is that we refuse to engage the heartaches of our lives.  It can seem un-American or even un-Christian to look upon the past in a negative light.  However, this is exactly how Scripture be...

Why do we look back at childhood stories of harm? We discuss internal vows we make, agreements about who we are and protectors that develop. These were ways we needed to mitigate shame that are still patterns by which we live our adulthood. Jes...

Take off your shoes, this is holy ground! God desires for us to live in bodies that feel safe and loved. Selah is an ancient word from poetry and we see it in the Psalms. Emily developed a Selah practice with five steps to make space for self c...